I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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