Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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