he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
