Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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