he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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