omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
