i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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