I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is Oprah even human
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
