his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
