And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
