So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
