paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
