you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
