Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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