You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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