I just cut my nipple shaving
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
