you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
