he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
