it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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