dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
