Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
