How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
