My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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