she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
