2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
