I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
