once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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