i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize