So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
