Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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