all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
