Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
