that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
