They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You ruined the universe
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
