So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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