Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It was confusing and full of hummus
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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