i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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