I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
