TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
