I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize