I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
