As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have post one night stand depression
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
