Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
