I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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