I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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