So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
barbara walters just said penis...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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