Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
