btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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