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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
