It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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