i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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