You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
