i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
