I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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