Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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