ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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