she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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