You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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