I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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