its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
