I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
