ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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