Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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