that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
