my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
