now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
