Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
