Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
