Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
