if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
how drunk are you?
Several
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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