I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
