Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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