Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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