dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
