We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
