Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
